oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
