At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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