btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
