So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
