just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
