i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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