you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
this boner is exhausting
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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