Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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