I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Randomize
