New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i will never coherently bang her
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
