i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
