I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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