yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Randomize
