I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Your cock deserves a montage
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
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