i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
well you can't waste a boner
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize