I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
