these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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