Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
This is classic penis vs brain.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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