Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
