I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
