I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I love you. Go after that dick
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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