oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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