she looked like the bat from fern gully.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
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