how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
