I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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