If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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