There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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