oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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