Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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