is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
