Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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