on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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