You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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