Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
