Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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