I will die if light touches me.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
