u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
too bad you live with your parents still
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
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