Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
