i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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