is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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