You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
