So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
