Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
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You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
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Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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