nut hugger
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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