conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
