so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
