I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Randomize
