i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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