guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
