You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
