Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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