i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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