So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
