My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
