i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
You may now shotgun with the bride
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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