Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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