I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
My life is pants optional.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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