I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
