i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
