p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
