Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
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You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
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My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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