Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
we're so committed to being not committed
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
