Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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