very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
