1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
