did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
