I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
