He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
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i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize