Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
