dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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