first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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