we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize
