Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
