In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Randomize
