you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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