My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
